Stereotypes in and out of Science

I was raised by loving parents who faced a lot of backlash from their family because they loved each other. While their skin tones were the same, one came from a strictly Sephardic Jewish background while the other came from a more ethnically diverse Christian one. They saw their relationship as being between just them and it shouldn't have any bearing on what family members may think or feel. I was raised by these two loving people and told that the most important thing was to find someone who loved me for me, man or woman, black or white, it didn't matter, just as long as they treated me well. From those loving foundations, I've grown into a person that believes "you must give respect to get it" and "If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you."
That being said, I'm tired of being stereotyped. Yes, I am white, yes I am a male. These two things combined often leave people saying "oh poor you, the life of a white male is so hard" or "white male privilege must be tough." To be honest, I recognize the privilege that does come with my gender and skin colour. I am fully cognizant of it. But I am tired of being blamed for the woes of the world because of it. I personally have not oppressed people, nor has any member of my family for as far back as I can find. I've had conflicts with people of different backgrounds because they assume all white people to be the same. They assume that my skin colour automatically makes me a bigot, that I'm judging them.
One such recent case was that of one of my lab members. She is a woman of Vietnamese descent and said to me recently that so many female asian scientists are treated poorly/ thought less of by their white male counterparts. She went on to say that "[I am] lucky to know [her] and that the only reason [I] am as nice or treated her as equally was because of knowing [her]." Because how could I possibly even be a decent human to another without having met her? How could I see past my white male privilege eyes, had she not been here to help me?  I found the comment highly inflammatory and took it as an insult. I conveyed as much to her and spoke to her of her own prejudices to which she admitted having.
Yes men historically are the aggressors, yes men are responsible for a great deal of the tragedies that can be seen and or studied in our history, and yes these men are predominantly and disproportionately white. But, that does not make all white men responsible. I'm tired of it being assumed that I look down upon people simply because of my background. I've been told that people think that I think that I'm better than others and that simply isn't true. I've been told that people see me as arrogant and overly self-confident, also not true. I've been told that people think that I don't think people from english as a second language backgrounds aren't as intelligent, and again that is simply not true. I don't know where these thoughts derive from, but had the people simply gotten to know me, they would see that I'm not that person. I've been a vocal advocate for equality, by which I mean not just for women but for people of different sexual preferences, gender identities, races, or creeds. I've defended the idea that racial profiling isn't okay because you can't treat one member of one group as being responsible for the actions of those that would seek to cause hate, anger, or violence. But where are my champions? Where are my advocates?
All around me are people from different backgrounds celebrating a month designated for their history or their gender and that's fine. When we look to the books, what we consider history, globally, has been dictated by white males. As such, white males have ruined our ability to publicly celebrate our race or our gender...and that's okay. But again, I'm tired having my face rubbed in the atrocities of people that I haven't ever actually been related to much less associated with. I'm tired of being told I should apologize for who I am or what color skin I was born with. When I point out the blatant racism in this thinking, I'm told that it isn't racism, that it is the other races and genders standing up for themselves. But really, when you belittle or hold prejudices against others for the color of their skin, it still is racism. It isn't my fault that these things were done, nor was it the fault of my ancestors, and I'm truly getting tired of having to defend that to each and every person who judges.

Do it yourself, I'm not your mother and this isn't my problem

I'm sitting down to update this thing because, well, frankly I'm procrastinating and I also think that I deserve some me time.

Today has been a day. Not necessarily a bad one, just a long one, filled with the setting up of things that move the needle forward on several different experiments, but nothing truly momentous was achieved today. If I were a chef, today would have been the day where I was prepping the food, getting things ready and prepared for the eventual order. There is, of course, a lot that goes into that, and so too with cooking, a true chef doesn't just have one plate they need prepare. Instead, they must have the ingredients at the ready for the large number of orders that are sure to come at dinner time. They must move quickly, carefully, and strategically to get everything prepared on time, all dishes hot/ready/out to their waiting customers. So too must a good scientist be able to juggle the myriad of projects they have, make reagents when needed, keep the stock of disposable equipment in high supply, and deal with whatever catastrophe may befall the lab (as almost assuredly, there is one to be had each and every day).

I've been abroad these past few weeks (doing science in another state) and I've come back for (oh, less than 14 days in total... several of which include the Thanksgiving holiday, so really much less than that) and I must squeeze, in that time, a great deal of work in. I am the least senior grad student in the lab and I am acting lab manager, I have roughly 5 of my own projects, a side project and am helping another grad student optimize a protocol. In these 14 days, I need to do at least 2 major experiments (1 for my project, 1 for my side project), make a reagent for the lab (essentially a protein that we all use as a cell labeling tool [a protocol with which I am having a great deal of difficulty]) and work on that optimization i just mentioned. While this may not sound like a difficult series of tasks, I can promise that it is. On my first day back, I walk in to find a puddle of liquid between our refrigerator and our sink. Having rained recently, I check the ceiling for water damage (...nothing). I clean up the mess and soon after, the fridge starts having liquid emanating from the base of it. I notify the lab of the problem and let them know that we may have to move supplies rapidly and soon...so be at the ready. I keep monitoring it, over the 2 days span, it seems to be holding temperature, there is no more liquid, and all is well. It is simply the  number of questions about the thing that I find so infuriating.

I wouldn't say that I'm stupid or lack technical skill, but I sure as shit don't know much about refrigerators. Basically, I know where the plug goes, I know what the condenser looks like and I have a rough (and by which I mean sandpaper grit P12) understanding of how the condenser works. The incessant questions about why it is producing water (from goodness knows where) and what we're going to do about it are annoying at best. I've informed everyone of the problem (including my boss) and after that... I don't know anymore. There are 3 people in my lab aside from myself. I don't know how many ways, to how many different people, and how many times I've conveyed this same message. While this seems petty, I know even as I type this it sounds incredibly so, the questions don't just stop there. When things go missing, test subjects have issues, or any question of any kind arises, I seem to be the person to ask. This is of course flattering but also exhausting and impeding. I have my own work to do and stopping to answer questions every 10 minutes puts a damper on my ability to push forward in a given day.

There are times where I just want to look at the other members of my lab and shake them. To yell "I'm not your mother, I'm not here to clean up after you", "I don't know all the answers, make a phone call, do something yourself", and "Not my project, not my problem!" I know that is a harsh but earnestly, it just takes up so much time on any given day. Today was a day full of questions, full of interruptions and full of frustrations.

*Deep breath*

I know I should take it as a sign of my understanding, my knowledge, and my level of involvement in my work, but there are just days where I want to do my work in peace and be left alone.


In other happier news, I have my first First author publication that was accepted (from my master's university) and should be available online soon. While this doesn't help me graduate any faster, it is still a mark of completion and a wonderful conclusion to the work I had done. I'm excited to see that come to fruition and add it to my CV.


I believe this has been sufficiently distracting for one evening, High-ho-high-ho back to work I go.