Planning for Spontaneity

I am a planner.

I plan things. I'm generally not one who leaves much to chance; well, the best I can. I realize the irony of becoming a scientist and not liking surprises. I mean, who does that? To loosely quote M. Cartmill, "This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls."

Scientists are planners, we even plan for failure. We plan what experiments we will do next if the one we are running fails, what parameters to change or what other ways a problem can be studied. It comes with the job, which is why, I think, I make a pretty damn good scientist.

But I really do want to be spontaneous. I watch movies and I see these adults take off, in the middle of the night, or the middle of a work day, to go on some crazy adventure. They never seem to have a worry or care about what will happen if they don't come back on time, or if they don't meet their goals. Maybe that is just all part of Hollywood.

But maybe not. Maybe that has to do with being more free spirited than I allow myself to be.
I do plan to be spontaneous, an oxymoron, I know.

I think about being spontaneous, and when I may do something spontaneous. Really, that just turns into planning. Take for example, spending time with my girlfriend. Sometimes we'll go grocery shopping together and I'll buy her flowers while we're there, a premeditated act to say the least. Generally I know what kind of flowers the market stocks and I keep an eye out for them. The plan to buy her flowers has already been something I've been thinking of for a while and so, since the opportunity presented itself, I decide to act on a thought that I've been having. It seems like we've just passed some flowers and I buy them....but I've been thinking about it for days.

Even now, I'm sitting in my lab, trying to get some work done and I think about taking off on an adventure. Driving to my girlfriend's house, picking her up and going to listen to the sounds of the ocean waves as they crash on the beach. But I stop myself...all I can think of is "You could do that, but it will take 30 minutes to get there, and then how long will you stay? It's already late...she has work in the morning and you have lab work. Best to save that for another time." And so I stay to work...but my bigger question is "WHAT OTHER TIME?!"

How do I stop myself from doing this? Is there some sort of release from this that I am unaware of?

I'm not sure, but I do know that sometimes I wish I could just not plan...just go with the flow and let everything sort itself out. Some people go their whole lives that way and seem completely happy. I know I don't want that much spontaneity, that would drive me insane. But a bit wouldn't be the end of the world.


I guess it boils down, simply, to my being jealous of people who aren't planners. Maybe a side of me that questions science and wants something "less sure."

I think it is just a case of the grass always being greener.

I did spontaneously start writing...I know, I know, a regular wild guy over here

Whatever...
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