"I Open at the Close"

When I last updated this blog, I was about to leave for Europe for three weeks. It has now been 2 months since my last posting. I had thought about posting, so many times, but the words weren't coming and I always figured I'd find my words tomorrow. A dangerous habit to get into. "Tomorrow" is a dangerous word and I don't like using it. 

So...no longer tomorrow...Today. Now.

Lets begin with my trip through Europe, and then I'll get to the lab stuff 

I've never traveled those distances before, it was nerve wracking to say the least. My flight wasn't so bad; everywhere I landed, they spoke English, which was calming. I was worried I'd have to translate something or figure out what was happening. I had a wonderful experience when I flew on Lufthansa; I highly recommend flying with them given the opportunity. When I landed in Pisa, I had to wait at the airport for 2 hours, till representatives from the conference arrived with the bus. I arrived at the hotel, which was beautiful; it was off, deep in the countryside, and had a view of the valley below. I didn't have much time, so I took a quick shower and headed off to dinner. The meal was delicious (and not just because I had been living on airline food for the past 17+hrs). Immediately following we had the keynote speaker addressing the group; this would have been wonderful had not everyone there been falling asleep from exhaustion. Though I had no trouble sleeping the first night, I did the subsequent 3, waking up at 3-4 in the morning local time, unable to go back to sleep; this was the only part of the conference I did not enjoy. In the week I was at this conference, I met wonderful scientists. I got to hear some great talks, see some interesting science and go on some beautiful walks through the country. Each meal was just as spectacular as the first and in the end, I fell in love with Italy. The week ended with a wine-tasting at a local vineyard and a banquet back at the hotel. That night, one of the most prominent members in the DNA repair field asked to sit next to me at dinner; him and I had a wonderful conversation. It is astonishing to see the how humble this brilliant mind can be; to know the kind of work he does and to still stay so remarkably grounded is something I could only ever wish to obtain. 

At the end of the conference, I headed back to the Pisa airport where I waited for several hours for my girlfriend to arrive. Once she landed, we hailed a taxi and headed for our hotel, located fairly close by. Our room wasn't quite ready, so we walked around for a bit, found some food and came back. We rested for a bit, called home and looked up the local sites. We kept the evening short because we had booked a tour that would last 13 days and we knew we would be fairly exhausted, so we did our best to get as much rest as we could. Our second day in Pisa, we decided to go for a walk and found our way, quite accidentally I might add, at the leaning tower. We walked around a bit, took some photos (no, none of the touristy ones of us supporting the tower) and found a Hop on - Hop off tour bus that we had booked weeks before. This red double-decker bus was a great idea; we hopped on and took the tour a few times before we had decided we had had enough and would like to have lunch. Luckily for us, our tour bus stopped just outside our hotel (which was situated just across the street from the train station). 

The next day we took the train to Rome (and barring a slight error, which cost us an extra 45 euro) we arrived at our hotel with too much trouble. Here we met our tour director and a few of the others that would be traveling with us. From that night on, we did not stop. The trip was a wonderful blur. We saw amazing things. I won't go heavily into specifics, but I will say that in 13 days we went from Rome, to Pisa, to Florence, to Venice, to Innsbruck- Austria, to Liechtenstein, to Luzern- Switzerland, to Paris- France and then into London- England. We met 8 Aussies (4 groups of 2) that were traveling with us, they made this experience so much fun; we had several dinners with them, the conversations and comradery added to the tour. I know we wouldn't have had as wonderful a time had we not met them.

During this trip, I took a total of 2,300+ pictures and combined a good portion of them into 2 photo albums that adequately summarize my trip. They were rather costly (having them printed through iPhoto, for $125 a book) but they are well worth it. I didn't spend much on souvenirs for myself, so those took the place of what I could have bought. 

Last Days in the Lab 

I returned, after the trip, for about 2 months of lab work. I had signed on, 3 years ago, to do some collaborative work with another, more prestigious, university. The initial proposal of work was modest and certainly accomplishable in a short amount of time; however, after they got the first glimpses of the data, they wanted to change the parameters. This required much more time and so, off and on throughout my Master's degree, I have been working on this side project simultaneously. In these last 2 months I spent 10-14 hour days, 6 days a week in a room just large enough to fit a large microscope and 2 computers. I sat and analyzed microscopy images, in the dark for that time. That process begins to take a toll on a person and can leave you grumpy, disgruntled and disjointed. I also saw my time in the lab winding down and I knew that it was also starting to take its toll.

Several weeks ago, two new undergraduate students joined my lab to finish some of the main work I had done as a masters student. This meant preparing things for them and showing them where everything was. I began to feel myself being separated from the things I had invested so much time in; I even felts a bit of resentment towards these new students. I mean, who could love this projects like I did? Who would dedicate themselves, bleed for this lab like I have? None of them would know the struggles of the project, the frustrations, and the accomplishments. I didn't hold that against them, but I was certainly sad to see my project change hands. 

Last Friday I pulled my last all nighter in the lab. 20 hours in that tiny dark room analysing data. I finished at 5 in the morning and walked out, feeling exhausted and freed. There was something that wasn't quite final though. I still had to clean out my space in the lab and tabulate the data. Yesterday I did just that. I began saying my goodbyes to the professors on campus and all the support staff. They've all said that I would be missed, that I had changed the department and how much of an impact I had had on my PI's life. None of that really hit...none of it...until today, when I had packed up the things in my desk, walked to my PI's office, and handed her my keys. She took them and hugged me...tightly for what seemed like forever. I began to tear up, my heart was and is breaking; I now leave behind a home. It will never be the same and I will forever miss being in that lab. I've grown up a lot in these last 6 years; I've traveled the world, I've loved, I've lost, I've studied, I've partied and I've grown. My PI and I have grown close, she has been more than a mentor, but a friend.

I've now left one "home". In another month, I leave my home for grad school. 

I know that, in a very short amount of time, I will return to both places and things will have changed. Both will always be home, but they will no longer be my home and that thought...it breaks my heart even more. I know moving on is good, and it's necessary, but it is hard and I am falling apart. 

So...I'll do my best to smile, say "thank you for the memories" and get excited about what is to come.