I've meant to keep updating this thing, I swear I did. I promised myself that I would spend 1 hour a week updating this blog, I mean that isn't that much time, right? I also swore to keep running, at least 5 days a week for 30 minutes - 1 hour. Not that much of a time commitment to myself, after all, I deserve some me time, right? I was wrong. I was gravely mistaken.
So, not to make excuses, but let me just review the goings on of the last year.
I took the remaining classes necessary for me to be able to sit for my qualifying exam. I bumped up production of my own project dramatically, took on a back up project and when our lab manager left, I began to assume her duties. Those duties are not trivial ones either and do place a high demand on my time. So when I wasn't in the lab, I was at home studying or reading for class.
In this last year, I also presented a poster in NOLA which was great, my first real poster session since my masters with all the people in the new field I've chosen. As the spring quarter began, I knew that the QE season was upon us. I began trying to get the members of my cohort together to study on a weekly basis, which started out well but quickly petered out. Also, I was asked to take on a collaboration with a lab located on the opposite coast, which meant that I would have to fly to and from on a semi-regular basis to actually do the experiments myself in their facility. While I saw this as an awesome opportunity, I also saw the time commitment it was going to take and I was already concerned about my QE. I voiced my concerns to my boss but he seemed little interested and pushed on. I made 2 trips out to the other coast, each trip lasting a total of 3 days (including travel time) and all requiring layovers. These 2 trips ended up being 8 and 4 weeks before my QE. Needless to say, while I was flying I was also reading and reviewing. In the end, my boss also gave me 3 weeks off to study for the exam and review, I feel like I could have used more time but, it was sufficient.
I would also like to paint a picture of my QE since everyone's is different, and the format itself depends upon the university as well as the department. Mine was a 3 hour exam, split into 2 parts. Part 1 being focused solely on my project, I was supposed to get 20 minutes of uninterrupted time to explain my project's hypothesis, aims, and hypothetical outcomes. After which 5 professors try to poke holes in the project and see how well you can come up with answers based on your knowledge and your background. We then get a 10 minute break, followed by Part 2, which is focused on examining general knowledge of the topic, 2 inside areas, 1 outside area and a designated emphasis (equivalent to a minor as an undergrad). Each of these areas are represented by a professor on your committee and they get to ask you questions until they are satisfied of your knowledge. At the end, they kick you out of the room and deliberate if you demonstrated the knowledge base required to advance towards candidacy. If you don't, you can retake the exam 1 time, if you should not pass, there is no option to "Master out", the university requires removal from the program. So no pressure not pass, right?
From my own experience, I did not feel prepared going into the exam. I knew how much I didn't know and that was terrifying. I knew my project well, but you never know the kinds of questions that will be brought up and what kind of perspective people will bring to the table. I walked out of my exam with my head hanging low, expecting that I had failed. Given how hard the questions were, how persistent they hammered on some topics, I was sure I would have to retake the exam. I began to ask myself what I was doing, why I was even in the program. Was it all a mistake?
Luckily, and I'm sure by the skin of my teeth, I passed. My 10 minute existential crises was for nothing, but it is surprising what those 10 minutes can do to you.
I spent the weekend relaxing and taking time to just...exist without feeling rushed to do something. It was a great 3 day weekend.
My preparation for the QE was exhaustive, the number of papers I read for my topic insane. I also chose to do my outside area on a topic that I actually hadn't taken as a course, so I had 10 weeks of material to learn on my own in a few days worth of time really. The review group that I had set up only made it through a little more than half of the textbook and there were still other areas that needed to be studied. I could feel knowledge oozing from my brain and I felt like my retention rate was diminishing. I'm sure that in the process, in order to make more room, I had to delete memories of my childhood or important information linked to something somewhere...though what it may be, eludes me... as I would expect it would.
As I began back in the lab, I was excited to get started. During all of this QE nonsense, I agreed to take on an undergraduate trainee, take on another collaboration with our department chair's lab, and write a mini review for a journal. I met with my boss yesterday and he put me on another project. So all told, I have about 4 projects to work on and 1 paper to write. Oh, and I had a recent methods paper accepted where I am second author. So...the stress level comes back up to 11 and we're off to the races again.
I have friends visiting this weekend, I fly out on Monday to visit the collaborators, fly back Tuesday afternoon. I have a massive experiment that will span Thursday-Friday and then I catch a flight to go visit my family for the weekend to celebrate my dad's birthday. The pressure won't stop. So much to get done in so little time on so little sleep.
Also, some happy news, I also got engaged last February, marking 5 years together, and I'm sure we'll begin planning the actual wedding soon enough.
Showing posts with label Relief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relief. Show all posts
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
A sigh of relief
The culmination of a 3 year body of work has been defended.
I can exhale now and smile as this huge weight has finally been lifted.
In the hours before my defense (yesterday 4/29/13 at 3:30pm) I was frantically reviewing my notes, practicing slides and trying my best to anticipate all of the questions that may be asked. Though my actual talk only consisted of 38 slides in total (taking 47 minutes to present) I had an additional 40 slides that could have been utilized had anyone asked some difficult questions. I had everything I could imagine listed there and was terrified that a hole in my knowledge would be exposed to the rest of the chemistry department; terrified that they would see, in this last stage of obtaining my master's, that I didn't really belong here.
The room slowly filled with family and friends as the hour drew nearer. I was nervous and excited. It was wonderful to see old friends, a former teacher from my high school and all of the other grad students who came to watch. The faculty slowly filed in, it seemed. The room was packed; normally, during a talk, a room may be 1/4 - 1/2 full. There was standing room only as the time drew nearer.
A professor introduced me and I began speaking. At first, the nervousness was almost unbearable, I was having a hard time remembering what I wanted to say and the way I wanted to say it. As I continued though the nerves subsided. Eventually it was, for the most part, exactly as I had practiced. I stumbled a few times in my speaking, but nothing that was too detrimental. At times I tuned in and out of my own speech. I was on "autopilot" speaking the way I had practiced it many times before alone in my room. About half way through I realized that this all was really happening, that I was in the middle of my defense and it was impressive how real and distant it all felt at the same time.
I looked out into the audience often and saw the faces of those that love me smiling back. It was comforting to see that they were there and happy to see my work. I also saw some very confused faces and it made me think to myself "Oh crap, I've lost these people, they're not following the logic." In truth, you do lose some of your audience as you talk, and I had figured I would. My thesis is a complex story with very difficult logic to follow; as my professor calls it "mental gymnastics."
When I concluded, I thanked the audience and opened the floor for questions. I was asked a few, but none that required the slides I had prepared. They were explanation questions of the slides I had presented; i.e. people wanted another look at a graph or didactic I had provided. Nothing was particularly challenging (with the exception of one theoretical question). I was slightly disappointed that I didn't get to show off the slides I had prepared but was thankful for the cursory level of questioning.
The audience slowly filed out of the room, most stopping to shake my hand and congratulate me. It was definitely a great moment. The only people that stayed behind were my committee members and, once the room was empty, reviewed some changes that needed to be made to my final draft of my thesis. There were no major suggestions or revisions, just some typographical things that needed changing...potentially a change in headings here or there.
Once this committee meeting had concluded we returned to my lab where we celebrated my defense. My professor has a 2 part ritual for such events; a speech and the popping of a cork. My professor gave one of the most touching and heartfelt speeches I've ever seen. She spoke about how long we've known each other, the level of dedication I have, and the person I've become. She began to tear up while talking; I fought back tears and so did she. I've spent 8 years on this campus, 6 of which have been in her lab. I was in one of the first classes she ever taught. Her and I have been through a lot together and it will be tough, for the both of us, to not see each other or work with one another. I'm going to miss this place. At the conclusion of her speech, I hugged her tightly and said thank you. She then shook a bottle of champaign and I popped the cork in the lab ceiling; I then circled the area, signed and dated it. This honor is reserved only for grad students in the lab. It is a physical representation of the "mark" we've left on the lab.
After which we all talked and celebrated. Elation isn't a strong enough word.
As the after party died down, I changed into some street clothing and my girlfriend, parents and I headed to a baseball game to celebrate. Though the team didn't win, we still had a great time together. It was an amazing night.
I fell asleep last night faster than I have in a long time and awoke with a smile. Something I've not done in years. Now, I sit and make the revisions. I'm one step closer to the final version. One step closer to being done for good. I'm a Master's student...about to become a PhD student...
It is all so close and all so exciting
I can exhale now and smile as this huge weight has finally been lifted.
In the hours before my defense (yesterday 4/29/13 at 3:30pm) I was frantically reviewing my notes, practicing slides and trying my best to anticipate all of the questions that may be asked. Though my actual talk only consisted of 38 slides in total (taking 47 minutes to present) I had an additional 40 slides that could have been utilized had anyone asked some difficult questions. I had everything I could imagine listed there and was terrified that a hole in my knowledge would be exposed to the rest of the chemistry department; terrified that they would see, in this last stage of obtaining my master's, that I didn't really belong here.
The room slowly filled with family and friends as the hour drew nearer. I was nervous and excited. It was wonderful to see old friends, a former teacher from my high school and all of the other grad students who came to watch. The faculty slowly filed in, it seemed. The room was packed; normally, during a talk, a room may be 1/4 - 1/2 full. There was standing room only as the time drew nearer.
A professor introduced me and I began speaking. At first, the nervousness was almost unbearable, I was having a hard time remembering what I wanted to say and the way I wanted to say it. As I continued though the nerves subsided. Eventually it was, for the most part, exactly as I had practiced. I stumbled a few times in my speaking, but nothing that was too detrimental. At times I tuned in and out of my own speech. I was on "autopilot" speaking the way I had practiced it many times before alone in my room. About half way through I realized that this all was really happening, that I was in the middle of my defense and it was impressive how real and distant it all felt at the same time.
I looked out into the audience often and saw the faces of those that love me smiling back. It was comforting to see that they were there and happy to see my work. I also saw some very confused faces and it made me think to myself "Oh crap, I've lost these people, they're not following the logic." In truth, you do lose some of your audience as you talk, and I had figured I would. My thesis is a complex story with very difficult logic to follow; as my professor calls it "mental gymnastics."
When I concluded, I thanked the audience and opened the floor for questions. I was asked a few, but none that required the slides I had prepared. They were explanation questions of the slides I had presented; i.e. people wanted another look at a graph or didactic I had provided. Nothing was particularly challenging (with the exception of one theoretical question). I was slightly disappointed that I didn't get to show off the slides I had prepared but was thankful for the cursory level of questioning.
The audience slowly filed out of the room, most stopping to shake my hand and congratulate me. It was definitely a great moment. The only people that stayed behind were my committee members and, once the room was empty, reviewed some changes that needed to be made to my final draft of my thesis. There were no major suggestions or revisions, just some typographical things that needed changing...potentially a change in headings here or there.
Once this committee meeting had concluded we returned to my lab where we celebrated my defense. My professor has a 2 part ritual for such events; a speech and the popping of a cork. My professor gave one of the most touching and heartfelt speeches I've ever seen. She spoke about how long we've known each other, the level of dedication I have, and the person I've become. She began to tear up while talking; I fought back tears and so did she. I've spent 8 years on this campus, 6 of which have been in her lab. I was in one of the first classes she ever taught. Her and I have been through a lot together and it will be tough, for the both of us, to not see each other or work with one another. I'm going to miss this place. At the conclusion of her speech, I hugged her tightly and said thank you. She then shook a bottle of champaign and I popped the cork in the lab ceiling; I then circled the area, signed and dated it. This honor is reserved only for grad students in the lab. It is a physical representation of the "mark" we've left on the lab.
After which we all talked and celebrated. Elation isn't a strong enough word.
As the after party died down, I changed into some street clothing and my girlfriend, parents and I headed to a baseball game to celebrate. Though the team didn't win, we still had a great time together. It was an amazing night.
I fell asleep last night faster than I have in a long time and awoke with a smile. Something I've not done in years. Now, I sit and make the revisions. I'm one step closer to the final version. One step closer to being done for good. I'm a Master's student...about to become a PhD student...
It is all so close and all so exciting
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